Hey, some interesting ideas there! I had to listen to the original to check, but it seems that your remix is out of tune. I think you pitched parts of the original different maybe?
I really like the beat that starts around 230 btw…I would recommend starting early in the track with it and leaving out the long intro. It really sets your remix apart from the original!
Maybe just build your whole remix around it and make it a very funky remake?